How To Stop Engaging In Gossip
In a Few Simple Steps
By Kia G.
Me, gossiping? Now, that sounds absurd! Not, at all. All of us are guilty of partaking in the act of gossiping, we just don’t like to admit it. There are many excuses, such as, “I was just listening.” Another excuse is, “I was just repeated what I heard someone talking about.” The truth is, listening is a form of participation. A conversation takes two people…one who is speaking and the other that is listening. Repeating the information, is gossiping. I know you didn’t uncover the bone, but you certainly did carry it.
"Listening is a form of participation"
I can honestly say that I do not seek out to gossip. I really try hard not to, but there are moments that I am left questioning whether the conversation was considered gossip. Sometimes the lines between conversation and gossip are blurred, so you always have to ask yourself a few questions, to ensure you are not stepping over the lines.
If the conversation is deemed confidential between two people, it should not be repeated. When information is taken from this initial conversation to a third party, it is considered gossip. The third party should ask, did you have permission to share? Why do you feel it is necessary for me to know? Will the individual feel betrayed if they knew you spilled the beans? As recipients of information, we have the power to control whether we engage or not. Maybe the more people that say no, “I do not want to listen, the quicker the gossip ends. Not that easy! People would rather hear the juicy details of another’s pain because it lessens their own pain they are currently experiencing.
"We have the power to control whether we engage or not!"
I recently found myself in a conversation speaking about someone that was not in the conversation to defend their actions. I felt a little tug in my spirit saying, “be careful”. Not that I was saying anything that I didn’t feel was true, but would the other persons image be cracked? In that moment I had to make sure I stayed neutral and move the conversation along. My goal was not to destroy them, it was a discussion regarding my own contentment. We have to understand the purpose of our conversations when delivering them. We also have to understand our audience. Is this someone that I know is going to take the information back? Is this someone that listens intently so they have a story for the next event they are in?
"We have to have an understanding of the purpose our conversations have"
As a Christian woman, I have learned that not all conversations deserve my presence. Excusing yourself does not mean that you are better, it just means that you no longer do the things you used to do. Instead of talking about someone, talk to them. You may be able to transform someone’s life with a simple “I understand because I too have been there!” Do you know how many walls those simple words have torn down?
Gossiping is so easy to do. You start the conversation and hand it off to the willing runner. Before you know it, that persons story has been rewritten by many. Our stories are personal and also ours to tell. The next time you get ready to repeat information, ask yourself one simple question, “Why am I telling this information”. If the answer is something you and God are okay with…talk on. If not, drink your own tea.
